Friends With Benefits
by The Red Celt
Summary: The story of the progression of Garrus and FemShep's relationship from best friends to lovers. The first chapter was originally a stand-alone piece, but after some urging by the anons on the k-meme I've decided to make it a full fic. X-posted from the kinkmeme, so rated M for adult content. :)
1. Chapter 1

As soon as they'd returned from Horizon, Shepard had sequestered herself in her quarters with the order that no one was to disturb her "unless the goddamn Reapers themselves show up." Not that Garrus could blame her; he'd had to summon all his control not to slap Ashley upside her head and make her see just how thick she was being. He'd finally decided that if Shepard could take the verbal assault without losing her trademark cool then the least he could do was help her deal with the fallout, but she'd kept silent on the shuttle ride back to the ship and was off like a shot before the engines had even had time to power down.

It wasn't until later that night that Shepard emerged, and only then because she was pretty sure everyone else was asleep. A starship was never completely deserted, but since she'd gotten her hands on the shift rotation schedule she'd discreetly created a two hour window from 2 am until 4 am where the only people on duty were Joker and Donnelly. She liked to come down to the mess hall during that time when she couldn't sleep for a cup of tea or just to sit and listen to the hum of the engines. Sometimes it would put her to sleep. Mostly it didn't.

Garrus came out of the battery for some water and saw Shepard, lying on the table with her arms thrown out to either side in a T shape. She was wearing her pajamas, which consisted of a white tank top and a pair of baggy flannel pants, and was staring at the ceiling. He made his way over to her and she gave him a wan smile when his shadow fell over her face.

"Hey," he said with a smile of his own.

"Hey, yourself." She sat up with a sigh and looked up at him. "It's good to see you out of your hidey hole. I was afraid you and that console were going to fuse together if you spent any more time working on your 'calibrations.'"

"Someone's got to do it." He took the seat nearest her and she took his hand in hers, playing with the calluses on his trigger finger. He reflected (not for the first time) on what a touchy-feely race the humans were, Shepard in particular. When she was in her role as Commander Shepard she was all business, and pity the poor bastard who got in her way, but when she was around her team that hardened exterior fell away to reveal a woman who was much more approachable. While turians were not big on casual affection, he made an exception for her; the fact that she trusted him enough to show him the unguarded side of her personality more than made up for the initial awkwardness, and he had even come to like it when she'd slip an arm around his waist or lean against him in the shuttle. But then, he'd always said he was a bad turian.

"Yeah, but I'm beginning to regret upgrading to the Thanix. You've been spending all your spare time in there lately."

"Jealous, Shepard?" he asked, raising a browplate in amusement.

"Of an inanimate object that just so happens to be monopolizing my best friend? Yes."

"I might say the same thing about your fish. They had you all to themselves today." It was meant as an invitation to tell him what was on her mind without really asking, and she took him up on it with a heavy sigh and a shake of her head.

"I know it's been over two years for everyone else, but it only feels like a few months for me. To hear _Ashley_ of all people call me a traitor . . ." She bowed her head and Garrus gripped her hand tighter. "And even though I know it's not true, it hurts to think that she really believes that."

"If it's any consolation, I don't think you're a traitor." He chucked her under her chin and she looked up at him through her eyelashes, her smile more genuine this time.

"See, that's why you're awesome, Garrus. You could have walked out of the med bay and gone right back to Omega, but you didn't. And I didn't even have to give you the full run-down of the mission, either, you just jumped right in with both feet like there was never even a question about it. All I had to say was, 'Hey, Batman, you know you wanna come with me and kick the bejesus out of a bunch of crazy aliens again, right?' and you were like, "Hell yeah, Shep, let me just grab my stuff and I'm'a go work my turian mojo on the guns, 'k bye.'"

Garrus laughed out loud at that and after a moment, she joined in. "Did you just call me 'Batman'?"

"Yeah. He's a human superhero, star of DC comics—"

"I know who Batman is, Shepard," he said as though it should have been obvious. "I always thought of myself as being more like the Punisher."

"Why am I not surprised that you read Batman comics?"

"I give up. Why?"

"Because you are the single biggest nerd I have ever met."

Garrus scoffed and made a big show of being offended, earning a grin for his efforts. "I am not a nerd."

"You are so. You read instruction manuals like they're romance novels, you pirated all nine Star Wars movies, and I've heard you and Tali geeking out over the new shotgun mods." She poked him in the chest. "Nerd."

"What about your Galaxy at War game? You belong to a guild and everything."

"That's different," she said with a regal wave of her hand. "Anyway, Batman is way more badass than the Punisher."

"The Punisher's a vigilante who fights evil with big guns."

"Batman has a cape."

"I don't have a cape."

"You have a point." She called up her omnitool and started typing away on it.

"What are you doing?" he asked, craning his neck to look.

"Ordering you a cape."

"Bullshit."

"You want it in black or blue?"

"I don't need a . . . blue. It'll go with my armor."

Shepard grinned and, after placing the order, put her omnitool away. "There, now you're totally Batman."

He knew better than to argue any more. "I'm not wearing it into battle."

"Of course not."

"I'm serious."

"Uh huh." She rotated her shoulder and rubbed her eyes with the heels of her hands.

"You should get some sleep," he said. She'd never been able to sleep well for as long as he'd known her, but lately it had gotten worse. Coming back from the dead probably had something to do with that but, since she hadn't broached that personal subject, he hadn't asked.

"I tried that already. Even watched about an hour of that all-elcor Hamlet production, but it didn't work."

"Oh wow, you must really be desperate." She chuckled and nodded, but Garrus just looked at her, a pensive expression on his face.

"What?"

"I was just thinking . . . I could help, if you want. Relieve stress, that is."

"Oh yeah? You give massages, Vakarian? And if you do, why am I just finding out about this now?"

His mandibles spread wide in a smile, but his eyes stayed more serious. "I wasn't talking about that, although if you want me to I can certainly try. I was thinking of something a little more, um, active."

She was really confused now. "What, like sparring?"

"No, like sleeping together." Shepard's mouth fell open and she stared at him in shock. Garrus hoped like hell that he hadn't offended her, and scrambled to explain. "Just between friends, that is. You know that turians don't think of sex the way humans do. It's a lot more casual for us."

"Yeah, I know that, but . . ." She trailed off as she thought about it. Garrus was her best friend in the galaxy and she valued that more than anything. Was it possible for her to be with him and still hold on to that friendship without it turning messy and weird afterward? It was true that turians didn't put the same emphasis on sex that most humans did, and casual hook-ups were common on turian vessels. She was pretty sure she would be able to stay friends in the morning, just with a few . . . additional benefits. And she did need a little stress relief, that was for damned sure, and he was definitely attractive in a hard and pointy sort of way. So it was with all that in mind that she answered:

"Sure, why the hell not?"

Garrus squeezed her hand and stood, pulling her to her feet. "All right, then. Let's go."

"What, right now?"

"Well, yeah. You want to sleep, right?" She nodded and let him lead her down the hall.

They made their way to the elevator and Shepard's stomach was doing happy backflips as they waited for the interminably slow piece of crap to make its ponderous way up to her cabin. She kept glancing over at him out of the corner of her eye and saw that he was doing the same, and a mischievous smile spread across her lips. Like a flash, her hand shot out and smacked his butt. He jumped away and glared at her as though he'd been scandalized. She laughed and stepped out of the elevator, which had finally opened up onto her floor, and started to punch in the code that would open the door. Garrus stepped up behind her and nuzzled her neck. Her finger slipped on the buttons and the keypad buzzed at her.

"Damn it."

"What?"

Her heart was beating faster and it was hard to form full sentences. "Fucked up the code." She tried to enter it again when he licked the sensitive spot behind her ear and her knees went weak. The keypad buzzed again.

"_Shit_."

"Want me to do it?" he asked, his chest rumbling against her back.

"Ass."

"You know you like it," he said, nibbling on her earlobe. Her breath hitched in her throat and she had to really concentrate on the buttons, but he wasn't making it easy on her. Finally she got the code right and the doors hissed open. She dragged him inside and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him down so she could nip along his mandible.

"You're so mean," she said, her lips brushing against his jaw as she spoke. He gripped her hips and walked her backward until she bumped into the wall. "And I'm okay with that," she whispered, really laying on the sultry undertones, and he ground her ass into the wall with his hips.

"You haven't seen anything yet, Shepard," he said, fumbling with his armor. She tried to help him, but he gently slapped her hands away with a smile so she stripped out of her pants and tossed them in the general direction of the couch. Garrus was out of his armor in record time and hooked his talons under the edge of her tank top to lift her shirt off but she twisted away and giggled when he brushed her side. He stopped, confused.

"What was that?"

"Sorry; I'm ticklish on my sides." Her eyes widened in horror as Garrus grinned wickedly at her. "No, Garrus, don't—" All her protests dissolved into giggles as he mercilessly attacked her. He was amazed at her completely ineffective efforts to fight him off; the great Commander Shepard, undone by tickling. The strength went out of her legs and she almost collapsed to the floor, but he finally let up and she leaned back to catch her breath.

"I'm gonna get you for that," she warned, and as soon as she got his undersuit off (and she took a moment to marvel at his lean, muscled body), she tried to tickle him but the sounds he made were decidedly more pornographic than playful as her fingers worked into the skin between his plates. "Oh, what's this?" She ran her hands up and down his waist, watching as his eyes rolled back in his head and he shivered.

"That's . . . keep doing that." Encouraged by his reaction, she raked her fingers from his chest to his hips and he actually _moaned_. And it was the hottest goddamned thing Shepard had ever heard, tightening the muscles low in her body.

"So, where else can I touch to get you to make more sounds like that?" she asked, teasing lightly along the edges of his plates.

"I'll tell you as soon as you take off the rest of your clothes." He chuckled as Shepard ripped off her tank top and underwear in mere seconds, throwing the offending garments across the room. "Here . . ." he took her wrist and guided her hand up to the spot just under his fringe. She massaged it experimentally and he leaned his head back into her hand and purred. She was distracted from her efforts by an insistent poking at her thigh and looked down to see his member, thick and cobalt blue, standing at attention. Her eyes widened; it was definitely impressive, and shaped enough like a human penis that she was pretty sure there wouldn't be any compatibility issues. This night just kept getting better and better.

"Shepard," he groaned, and stopped her ministrations on his fringe. "Go get on the bed." She cocked an eyebrow playfully and walked over to the bed, her hips swinging back and forth. She situated herself on the pillows and watched as he positioned himself over her. She was struck by how strange and somehow _right_ it felt to be here with him like this. It wasn't something she had expected, for sure, but she knew that the friendship they had would survive this, just like it had survived everything else the galaxy threw at them. This was just a new facet of that, a different part of it that she was learning to cherish just as much as their easy companionship. She stroked his face, taking in the possessively masculine set of his jaw, the heat in his eyes that she'd never seen before.

"What?" he asked, pulling her out of her reverie.

"Huh?"

"You looked like you were thinking hard about something."

"I was just . . . looking at you," she said with a gentle smile. Garrus' heart beat faster and he bumped her forehead with his affectionately.

"I knew you liked men with scars." She laughed and wrapped her legs around him, pulling him close enough that he pressed against her opening. He watched her face as he pushed inside her slowly, giving her time to adjust to his size. She threw her head back and gasped when his hips met hers, and he bent his head to nibble and lick along her collarbone as he started moving inside her. It was like nothing he'd ever felt before; she was so tight at first, but as he thrust deeper into her, she seemed to draw him in. Turian women were more muscled, ridged like he was, but Shepard was smooth and slick and so warm. The sheer foreignness of her body was threatening to send him over the edge more quickly than he'd expected, and he had to slow his pace to regain control over himself.

Shepard rolled her hips against him and he shuddered, his elbows buckling. "Faster, Garrus," she pleaded.

"Can't," he gasped, "not if you want me to last until you come."

She kissed his mouth, running her tongue across his bottom lip and he moaned softly. "Roll over. Let me be on top." They managed the maneuver without having to separate, and she braced her hands on his chest as she rocked back and forth over him. This position had him hitting her g-spot on almost every stroke and within minutes she was breathing hard, her thighs quaking. Garrus gripped her hips hard, his talons dimpling her flesh, as she rode him hard toward the brink.

"Garrus . . . I'm so close, oh god—"

"Don't hold back," he murmured, the pressure building up from his thighs to his stomach and pooling heat between his legs, "come for me."

Her fingers dug into his chest plates and her eyes met his as she cried out, her muscles spasming erratically around him, her whole body shaking with the force of her orgasm. It was as though all the tension she had been carrying around since she'd woken up in that Cerberus lab was pouring out of her and all he could do was hold her while the waves of pleasure rocked her to the core. He found his own release soon after, arching his back and spilling inside her in a hot rush. The feeling of him coming inside her made her climax again, riding hard on the heels of the first orgasm until she collapsed, utterly spent, on his chest.

After their breathing had slowed and she thought her limbs were functional again, she crossed her arms just under his keelbone and rested her chin on her arm. "That was . . . just . . . _wow,_ Garrus."

He chuckled and brushed an errant lock of hair out of her eyes. "Nice to know your vocabulary has improved over the last two years."

She smiled lazily and cupped his jaw, rubbing his cheek with her thumb. "I think I should be offended, but I can't seem to care right now." Her eyelids drooped and Garrus helped her lay down, covering her with the blankets.

"See? Told you that would work."

"Hmmm. We're gonna have to do that again sometime," she said, her voice muffled somewhat by the pillows.

"Anytime, Shepard. Just let me know." He got out of the bed and started putting on his armor again. By the time he was dressed, Shepard was asleep and snoring softly. Before he left to go back to the battery and his own cot, he leaned down and laid his mouth on her temple in the closest approximation of a kiss he could manage.

"Sleep well, Shepard."

After he was gone, she smiled to herself. _Friends with benefits,_ she thought. Now that was an arrangement she could live with.


	2. Chapter 2

Shepard bounded into the battery and sat down with a flumph on the crate she used as a seat when she came by to visit.

"Hey!"

"Hey, yourself." Garrus pretended to be too absorbed in his console to look up, which he knew drove her crazy.

"So, what are you gonna do for shore leave?" she asked, pulling her legs up and hugging her knees.

"Haven't really thought about it," he answered. And he really hadn't, apart from a half-formed plan to visit some old colleagues from C-Sec and maybe see a movie. "Three whole days off the ship? We'll both die of boredom." They had finally upgraded the Normandy's shielding and the installation was going to take a while, so Shepard had declared an extended shore leave for the entire crew. The engineers doing the retrofit were going to be making too much noise for anyone to stay aboard anyway.

"That's only if no one starts shooting at us," she pointed out.

"True enough. With your luck, that should only take about ten minutes."

"So come with me," she said. "We'll see the sights, get into trouble . . . just like old times." She smiled and wiggled her eyebrows at him (a feat as perplexing to him as it was funny).

"Don't you have anyone else to annoy?" he asked, finally looking up and crossing his arms over his chest.

"Well, I have to go see the Walking Conniption Fit at some point," she said, using her pet name for Udina and earning a laugh from him, "but everyone else has their plates full."

"So I'm your back-up plan?" He clutched his chest dramatically and sniffed. "You wound me, Shepard."

She threw a datapad at him and it bounced harmlessly off his armor. "You were my first choice, you big goof." She jumped up and leaned on the console next to him. "So, what do you say? We could go see a movie, maybe see if the Presidium Suites still has any doubles available."

"No need to worry about a hotel room; I kept my old apartment." It occurred to him after he said it that it was more of a large closet than an apartment and he hadn't been back for almost a year—the Spirits only knew what kind of state it was in now. But Shepard pounced on the idea before he could express any of those reservations.

"Well, that takes care of that problem. Oh! There's a retro Earth film festival happening that we should go check out."

"You say that like I've already agreed to this."

"They're showing Star Wars." She leaned in closer and said, with a meaningful look, "The _original_ trilogy."

Garrus looked down at his commanding officer, who was currently making her best cute face at him.

As if he would have spent his shore leave with anyone else.

"Oh, all right."

She grinned and lightly punched his shoulder. "That's the spirit. You'd better get packing, we'll be docking in an hour." She shouted over her shoulder as she headed to the elevator, "And bring your gun, just in case."

* * *

After dropping off their stuff at his apartment in Bachjret Ward, they rode the shuttle to a restaurant in Zakera that served levo-dextro food. After the meals Gardner had been making, the plate of fettuccini alfredo with chicken was a slice of heaven. Garrus hummed with pleasure as he popped what looked like a fried beetle of some sort into his mouth.

"All right—favorite food," he prompted.

"If you mean in general, pecan pie is my favorite—the real southern-American kind, with ice cream. But there was this place on Earth I went to last time I was there . . . it was a real dive, off the main road. The sort of place you'd go for coffee and breakfast before work, you know? It always smelled like engine oil and cigarettes and hot grease, but the cook—Bobby, I think his name was—could make the best damned cheeseburgers I've ever put in my mouth. What about you?"

"Macedyn fried louza. Believe it or not, my dad used to cook whenever he had the time, and his louza was amazing." He crunched the head off another beetle-thing and Shepard decided she didn't really want to know what louza was.

"Okay, my turn. What's your favorite song?"

"Fire in the Courtyard, from Fleet and Flotilla."

"Oooh, that's a good one. Hmm . . . oh, remember that song I used to play in the Mako all the time? 'In the Black' by Motorhead? That's mine."

Garrus cocked his head, his gaze taking on a dreamy expression. "Oh, yeah. I miss that damned tank."

"Hear, hear," she said, and started to raise her beer to her lips but froze halfway there. Her eyes went wide and her pulse spiked, and Garrus immediately scanned the room for the threat. There was nothing—except a man coming toward their table. He looked to be in his mid- to late-fifties with graying hair and had a bit of a paunch; not the sort of person Shepard was likely to be afraid of, but here she was looking like she was about to bolt. He reached for her hand and she clutched it like her life depended on it. _What the hell . . ._ he thought.

"Jane?" the man asked. "Is that you?"

"Hey, Holder," she said with a nod. She'd managed to get herself back under control and her voice sounded mostly normal, but her knuckles of the hand gripping his were white. "Been awhile."

"I'll say. What's it been, something like ten years?"

"Something like that."

"I tried to contact you after—" he glanced over at Garrus and cleared his throat, "—after everything blew over, but they told me you'd been assigned to a starship."

"Yeah, I've been really busy lately." Just then their waitress, an asari with sky-blue skin, appeared at their table.

"Is there anything I can get for you?" she asked, pointedly glancing at Holder before looking back at Shepard.

"Yes, can we have the check please?"

"At once, ma'am." She bustled off, leaving the trio in an awkward silence.

"So . . . it was good to see you, Jane," Holder said, offering his hand. Shepard just stared at it until he lowered it, and he took that as his cue to leave. Once he was out of sight, Shepard let out the breath she'd been holding and slumped in her seat.

"You okay, Shepard?" Garrus asked. He'd never seen her so shaken.

"Not really. Just give me a minute." She let go of his hand as the waitress reappeared and Shepard paid the bill (courtesy of Cerberus' expense account), adding a fifty percent tip for her help diffusing what could have been a really bad situation. She tried not to think about Holder and how much she'd tried to suppress that part of her life forever.

She and Garrus left the restaurant in silence and walked along in no particular direction until they came to the Night Gardens. She'd only ever been here once before, but it certainly made an impression—there were all sorts of plants here, moonflowers and bougainvillea that mingled with others from different planets all over the galaxy. It was quiet, peaceful, and just what Shepard needed right now. She pulled off her shoes and rolled up her jeans, sitting on the edge of the central pool and dipping her feet in the water. Garrus did the same next to her, his digitigrade feet making ripples around her ankles.

"I know you want to know what happened back there, but I . . . I can't talk about it. Not yet, anyway." He slipped an arm around her waist, drawing her against him and she went gratefully, soaking in his warmth.

"You're allowed to have secrets, Shepard. We all do."

"Thanks, Garrus."

The calm of the gardens seeped into her bones and chased away the awful, cold sensation of being a lost little girl again. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to relax, glad that she'd managed to talk Garrus out of wearing his armor tonight; he was a lot softer than he looked, and they fit together even better without all that metal in the way.

"I've got an idea," he said suddenly. "How about we go get some beer and continue this back at my place?"

"That sounds like a plan." He stood and helped her up and they walked, carrying their shoes, back to the transit hub. After a stop at the store to pick up the drinks, they arrived at his apartment just as the night cycle started. He keyed the door open and flipped the lights on, and Shepard got her first good look at the place. It was really small, not much bigger than her cabin on the Normandy. There was a gray couch upholstered in something that looked a little like suede with a low table in front of it and a television butted up against the wall. Two framed pictures of an alien landscape (_Probably Palaven,_ she thought) hung on the wall and there was a small work bench in the corner with shelves above it that were meticulously organized. The air was a little stale from being closed up for so long, but the whole place was so full of his influence that Shepard couldn't help but smile.

Garrus picked up a shirt from the couch and tossed it into his room. He rubbed the back of his neck and glanced around, hoping there wasn't anything overly embarrassing sitting out. "I know it's not the Presidium Suites, but hopefully it's okay."

"It's perfect," she said, and meant it. "I've spent the last decade hot-racking on starships, Garrus. Anything bigger than Grunt's test tube might as well be a five-star resort." She took the beer into the kitchen, cracked open two of them, and sat down next to him on the couch. "So, you want to watch a movie or something?"

"Sure. You pick."

She ended up going with an asari-made movie she'd never heard of called "Night Winds" about a group of maidens whose ship's VI gets hacked by the geth and they have to try to get to the main terminal while the VI messes with them by randomly opening the airlocks. Shepard got really into it and hardly noticed that she had at some point put her legs in Garrus' lap and that he was idly stroking the bare skin of her calves. They'd had three beers apiece and were both pretty buzzed by the time the credits rolled.

Shepard stretched, arching her back over the arm of the couch, her shirt riding up just under her ribs. Garrus couldn't help but notice the way her muscles moved under her skin, and flashed back to that night a week ago when they'd gone up to her cabin for a little "stress relief." Her stomach had stretched like that when she'd leaned back and braced herself on his thighs as she—

"I'll take the couch tonight," she said. "Do you have any extra sheets?"

"Uh . . . yeah," he answered, shoving that train of thought to the back of his mind. He moved her legs off his lap and went to the closet to grab the sheets. There were some in the closet that had come with his bed and were softer than the ones he used (rough turian plating tended to wear holes in regular sheets), so he took those ones back to the living room and saw Shepard in the process of changing into her pajamas. She had her back to him with both arms inside her baggy sleep shirt and had managed to get her shirt and bra off without ever showing any skin, which was both impressive and somewhat disappointing.

"If you want to stay out here, you won't keep me awake or anything," she said.

"I think I'll go ahead and turn in, actually." He handed her the sheets and bumped her forehead with his. Shepard raised an eyebrow and gave him a little bemused smile—he'd never done that before. Huh. "'Night, Shepard."

"G'night."

After she'd fallen asleep he lay on his back staring at the bedroom door, half hoping it would open and she'd be there.

* * *

_The ship rocks hard again as another blast tears through the hull._

"_Commander!"_

_She grabs the wall, her fingers grappling for purchase._

"_Shepard!"_

_She just manages to punch the button that would launch Joker's escape shuttle before another explosion sends her careening into the wall and out into space. Even now, in her last minutes, she thinks that Alchera looks so beautiful from up here, so blue. Her favorite color._

_There's a hissing sound and suddenly she can't breathe; she reaches desperately for the leak in her suit, but her armor is too restrictive. The seconds turn into years as black spots grow larger and her chest is so tight—_

"_Shepard!" Joker again, but he should be gone already._

"_Shepard, breathe!" No, not Joker—a familiar flanging voice that she knows so well_.

"Come on, damn it, breathe!" Her eyes flew open and she took a huge whooping breath. Garrus was holding her arms so hard he'd broken the skin in two places with his talons. He helped her sit up and tilted her head this way and that, looking for god only knew what.

"I heard you thrashing around out here," he explained, and Shepard noticed he was wearing a pair of loose-fitting black shorts and nothing else; she must have woken him up. He saw blood dotting her sleeves and hissed in a breath. "Damn, Shepard, I'm sorry." He grabbed some medigel and a glass of water, handing the water to her and smearing some gel on the small puncture marks.

"It's all right," she said. Her heart was still beating too hard and her chest ached, but she knew from experience that both would pass soon enough. "I'm okay, Garrus, it was just a dream." She took a drink while he watched her intently.

His voice was soft when he asked, "Alchera?"

"Yeah." She yawned and rubbed her temple.

Garrus stood up and she thought he was going to go back to sleep, but then he said, "Come to bed with me."

"I told you, I'm fine."

"Then do it for me." She looked up at him and saw the concern written all over his face. God, she really must have scared the hell out of him. "Otherwise I'll just be out here all night checking on you."

"Awww, I knew you cared," she said with a grin.

"Yeah, yeah, you can make fun of me in the morning," he grumbled. She padded behind him to the bedroom and slid in under the blanket. It was surprisingly soft, with a lot of give near the top to allow for his cowl. She lay on her side facing the wall and he got in behind her, laying an arm over her body.

"Is this okay?" he asked.

"Yeah," she answered, scooting closer. He was a warm, solid mass at her back and something about his presence calmed her. She felt a weight in her chest she hadn't even known was there begin to loosen and fall away. "More than okay." Within minutes, they were both sound asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Consciousness came slowly to Shepard the next morning, first manifesting in the weight of Garrus' hand on her hip, the dim light from the cracked door illuminating his visor on the night stand, his breath in her hair. She shifted a little to free her arm, the pins and needles tingling in her fingers, and she got her first surprise of the day.

_Huh, I guess morning wood really is universal._

The small movements were enough to make him stir and he pushed against her butt and slid his hand down to rest on her lower belly. She turned her head to look at him, but he was still asleep. A sly smile crept across her face and she slowly rolled her hips back against him and he groaned. He cracked an eyelid and saw her looking at him expectantly . . . and then he noticed what was going on below the waist and started to roll away.

"Mmmph, shit. Sorry , Shepard." She reached back and stopped him, pulling him back close to her. He gave a sleepy sigh and nuzzled her neck, then had to disentangle a few strands of hair that caught on his mandibles.

"You, uh, want some help with that, big guy?" she asked, punctuating the question with another wiggle of her hips. He groaned in answer, his voice low and thick with sleep, and immediately started trying to pull her pants down, but he was at the wrong angle for it. "My goodness, someone wakes up horny," she mused, and he made a low rumbling sound that might have been a chuckle had he been more awake. She lifted up high enough for him to slide her pants down her legs and kicked them out from under the blankets.

He hooked her knee over his elbow and lifted her leg up, then maneuvered himself into place and slid inside her in one smooth motion. He moaned in her ear and snaked his other arm under her armpit and beneath her shirt to cup her breast as he moved slowly within her. Shepard sucked on her finger then slipped it between her legs to touch herself, her skin so warm and more supple than usual. A slow, sweet ache spread from her core and all throughout her body as Garrus buried his face in her hair and made quiet pleading sounds against her neck. His breathing changed and he squeezed her breast a little tighter, his body taking on a new urgency and Shepard took that to mean he was close, so she rubbed herself a little faster, her breath hitching in her throat. With one last thrust he came with a gasp and she followed soon after, her inner muscles tightening around him, milking the aftershocks out of him.

He put her leg back down and stroked her thigh. It was so warm under the blankets that she never wanted to leave. "A man could get used to waking up like this," he murmured.

"That would mean we'd have to share a bed every night," she said, and he hummed.

"Yeah, but what would the neighbors say?"

"They'd probably be thumping on the ceiling telling us to shut the fuck up." He laughed gently. She moved his hand up to her breast and he ran his finger across the swell where gravity was pulling it down toward the bed.

"Think of the gossip."

"Westerlund news would have a field day with it."

"It would be worth it just to see you punch that al-Jilani bitch in the face again."

She smiled wistfully. "Yeah, that was fun. We should totally do that again sometime."

"Mmmm, I'd rather do _this_ again sometime." There was something about his voice, a new tenderness that sent warm shivers through her.

"This mission is bound to get really stressful," she said, and wondered what it would be like to be with him like this every morning. Not necessarily the sex part, although that had been really good, just . . . being with him. "I think we could both stand to ease some tension every once in a while." Her stomach picked that moment to rumble loud enough that Garrus heard it and she felt his mandibles spread in a smile.

"Maybe after breakfast." He rolled onto his back to stretch and Shepard planted a kiss on his cheek. He looked up at her, took one look at her hair, and laughed.

"What?" she asked with a frown.

"Your hair is sticking out all over the place." He tried to smooth it down but it just sprang back up.

"Yeah, it does that sometimes." His hand drifted down to her cheek and she turned into his touch with a soft hum of contentment.

"Tell you what—you go take a shower and I'll go out and get you breakfast. I don't have anything here for you to eat."

"My hero." She swung her feet onto the floor and stood up, and that was when she remembered she wasn't wearing pants. She turned back and saw Garrus looking at her body with his arms crossed behind his head and a smile on his face. "Like what you see, cowboy?"

"Definitely." She grinned and sauntered out of the bedroom, switching her hips and giving him a wink just as she disappeared down the hall.

"Tease," he called after her.

"You know you like it," she answered and he heard the bathroom door close.

Yeah, a man could really get used to waking up like this.

* * *

It wasn't until she was in the shower that she realized that, in her haste to be off the ship, she had forgotten her soap. She considered going without, then figured 'what the hell' and went ahead and used Garrus'. It was really abrasive and had what felt like an entire beach in it, but at least she was clean. She washed her hair and dried off, then wrapped the towel around herself to find some clothes.

It took Garrus a few minutes to return with breakfast, and when he did there was a hard light in his eyes that she recognized. It usually meant that he was about to bring the pain, and she wondered what could have happened between the apartment and the store to make him look like that.

It didn't take long to find out; he was practically vibrating with excitement. "I got a message from one of my contacts. You remember Sidonis, the one who betrayed my team? I think I've finally got a lead on him."

She remembered Sidonis, all right. She'd never seen him so angry as when he talked about him, laying out for her all the details about what had happened. Half of her wanted to hunt down the bastard that had put that uncharacteristic hardness in her best friend, and the other half hoped he never found him. Now that he had . . . she had to play this very carefully. "So who are we looking for?"

"A forger named Fade—he's an expert at making people disappear. Sidonis was seen with him."

"What are you planning to do to him when you find him?" she asked, an inscrutable expression on her face.

"You humans have a saying: an eye for an eye, a life for a life." His face was hard and his eyes were hot with anger—at Sidonis' betrayal, at the fact that he was still walking around free while ten good men lay dead. "He owes me ten lives, and I plan to collect."

Shepard froze and withdrew into herself almost completely. That was something she did out in public when she had her image to protect, not with him. It got his attention, but no matter how hard he tried he couldn't figure out what was going through her head, and not because he couldn't read human expressions—he could always read hers. No—she was actively trying to school her features into an unreadable mask.

"Garrus, you don't know what you're asking," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

He shook his head; no, he'd been after Sidonis for too long to let him go now. "Look Shepard, you may not agree with me, but I need your help with this." He stepped closer to her, willing her to relax. She swallowed hard, but didn't meet his eyes.

"I told you I'd help you, and I will." She looked up at him then, and there was a strained look to her that hadn't been there before. "We'll leave as soon as you're ready." And without any more comment, she went back to the bedroom to grab her armor and Garrus thought the room felt colder than it had a moment ago.

* * *

A little over an hour later found them outside the customs office, looking for the master thief. Shepard wanted to bring along some back-up but felt bad about interrupting the existing crew's shore leave. Taking the thief along would give them an extra gun hand and they'd be able to see how she handled herself in a firefight, if it came to that. Shepard had a feeling it would; her current track record made it more than likely _someone _would be shooting at them before the day was out.

"_Commander Shepard, we have the finest companions waiting for you,_" intoned a female voice to her left. There was a hooded figure broadcasting on an advertisement stand in the corner, a playful set to her mouth as she spoke.

"_Perhaps something petite, smart, and Japanese would be your style._"

Shepard gave her the password the Illusive Man had sent, and couldn't help but be impressed with Kasumi's mode of discretion. She came off as confident rather than cocky, speaking with the calm assurance that she really was the best at what she did like it was a fact rather than something to prove. Shepard liked her immediately.

After laying out the admittedly sparse details regarding the task she needed help with, Kasumi appeared on the catwalks overhead, her hip thrust out to the side and a smirk on her face. Garrus looked surprised—it wasn't every day someone snuck up on him like that. "We should probably wrap this up. You look pretty silly standing there talking to an advertisement."

"Actually, we were just on our way to find someone and could use some back-up," Shepard said, and Kasumi hopped down to ground level. "Feel like tagging along?"

"You're not going to order me to come with you, Shepard?"

"Would that be any more effective than just asking nicely?"

Kasumi smiled and patted a small pistol holstered on her thigh. "I think we're going to get along just fine. Let's go."

* * *

They made their way through the warehouse, gunning down Blue Sun mercs and mechs all the way. Of course there were mercs, Shepard thought; having to fight through hordes of the bastards was as reliable as night following day. It was almost comforting, in a way. A little dash of consistency in the midst of chaos.

Bringing Kasumi along was proving to be a good choice; she'd don her cloak and sneak around to flank the enemy, raining bullets and swinging her bladed fist before they even knew what hit them. Her taunts and mocking laugh was keeping Shepard's dark mood at bay for the time being, but she knew that wouldn't last long. Harkin was just around the corner, and she didn't know what Garrus would do once they found him.

The turian for his part was all cold determination as he sniped mechs left and right. He'd promised to beat Harkin within an inch of his life rather than just shoot him on sight, which was a step in the right direction at least. They finally made it to the control room at the other end of the warehouse and Shepard and Kasumi popped around the corner, their guns leveled at Harkin's head. He tried to run, but Garrus was already there and he swung the butt of his rifle up hard, breaking the man's nose with an audible crunch. His eyes started to blacken almost instantly as Garrus slammed him into the wall and growled menacingly at him.

"So, _Fade,_ couldn't make yourself disappear, huh?"

Harkin tried to reason with him, but was too cocky to see that Garrus was well beyond reason. A cold knot had seeped into Shepard's gut, but she couldn't afford to show her doubts to a man they were about to question.

"I'm looking for someone," Garrus said.

"Well, I guess we both have something the other one wants."

_Oh, Harkin. You stupid, stupid man._

Garrus' knee pistoned up into Harkin's gut and he crumpled to the floor. "Come on, Harkin, this doesn't have to be hard. Just tell us where to find Sidonis," she said.

He balked again, and Garrus ground his boot into his neck. Shepard wanted to tell him to back off, but Garrus was too keyed up and needed to hurt something; he would take it badly if she started barking orders at him now.

Harkin hauled himself into a sitting position and said what had been on her mind for a while now. "Terminus really changed you, huh, Garrus?" He finally conceded and set up the meeting. Garrus drew his gun and looked over at where Harkin stood at the comm, but Shepard put a hand on his arm and shook her head.

"Don't." Garrus hesitated for a long moment and Shepard could practically see him arguing with himself, but he finally stowed the gun and nodded. He didn't like it, but he was still listening to her and that gave her hope.

* * *

They dropped off Kasumi at the docking bay and proceeded on to their destination. Garrus headed up to a nearby balcony where he'd have the best shot and Shepard went over to Sidonis, anxiety gnawing at her.

When Garrus finally had eyes on Sidonis again, his trigger finger twitched involuntarily. The need to avenge his team, to make sure their deaths weren't tainted by their betrayer's continued existence, was so strong that it almost hurt. He watched through the scope as Shepard approached, but she blocked his shot as she talked. Garrus could hear his sorry explanations through the buzzing adrenaline that pulsed in his head. The bastard was claiming that he couldn't sleep or eat without seeing the faces of the men he'd gotten killed, and a savage sort of happiness bloomed in Garrus' chest. _Good, _he thought, _he should be miserable._ Shepard was still in the way, though, and he thought that if he just grazed her leg she'd drop down just long enough for him to—

Spirits, what the hell was he thinking? His horror at what he had been considering was enough to chase away the anger just far enough that he could think straight.

"Look at him, Garrus, there's nothing left to kill," she said, her voice small and tinny in his ear, and he knew she was right. Sidonis had been a strong presence when they'd worked together and was a good man to have on his side. The man down there with Shepard was a shell of the man he'd been, the guilt obviously plaguing him. He seemed genuinely contrite about the whole thing, so maybe he did deserve a second chance.

"Just . . . go, tell him to go," he choked out, and he barely heard Sidonis' promise to make it up to him as he made his way back to the shuttle. He paced back and forth as he waited for her to come back so they could get the hell out of here. Finally she appeared and looking like she had something to say, but he held up a hand and the words died on her lips.

"I know you want to talk about this, but I don't. Not yet."

"Look, Garrus, take it from someone who knows—actually getting revenge isn't as fun as planning revenge. For what it's worth, I think you made the right choice."

"What do you mean, 'someone who knows'?" he asked, and she looked away. "You said in the shuttle that you didn't know what you'd do if someone betrayed you."

"And I still don't. I've never been betrayed by a friend before, but I never said I didn't know what revenge feels like," she said with a heavy sigh. "Look, if I thought that Sidonis was still a threat to anyone, I'd have let you kill him like Doctor Saleon. Hell, I'd have held him down for you, but you saw him, Garrus. Killing him would have solved nothing." She looked up at him and she suddenly looked much older than her years.

"My men deserved to be avenged. All you had to do was step aside, but you saved him." He was pacing again, the stale adrenaline in his veins making him jumpy. "Why? He's a cowardly waste of air."

"Garrus," she said softly, "I wasn't trying to save _him._" She raked her fingers through her hair and sighed. "I promise I'll tell you everything, let's just get the hell out of here."

She trudged toward the car and he stared after her for a long moment, long enough that Shepard began to fear he'd just let her leave without him.

"Right behind you," he said finally, climbed into the driver's seat, and piloted them back to Bachjret Ward.

* * *

There was a balcony at the end of the hall that had a pretty decent view, and after they'd changed back into their civvies they took a few beers out there and leaned against the railing, just looking at the bustling life below.

"You don't have to explain, you know," he said.

"No, I do. You deserve a real answer to your question." She took a long pull from her bottle and collected her thoughts before beginning her story.

"I grew up on Mindoir, a little farming colony in the Attican Traverse. When I was sixteen, a group of batarian slavers landed and started rounding up everyone they could get their hands on. Anyone who tried to fight was killed on sight. My dad told me to hide under the bed just before two of them kicked in the door. Dad tried to get a shot off, but they were ready for it and put a bullet in his forehead." The tone of her voice was the same as if she was talking about the weather, and that somehow made it worse.

"Spirits . . ." he whispered. He'd had no idea, and it occurred to him then that maybe no one did. She never talked about her past and somehow he'd never thought to ask.

"He went down and the gun slid under the bed, so I took it and killed one of them. The other one grabbed me, and shot my mother three times when she tried to save me." She took a deep breath to steady herself. "He told me he was going to make me pay for killing his buddy, so he shoved me to the floor and . . . he, uh . . ." Even after all this time, it was still hard to say it out loud.

"I understand," Garrus murmured. He wished he didn't, but he did—he'd seen how the slavers operated during his time on Omega.

"The Alliance finally landed and rescued everyone they could. I was lucky that they got there before the batarians had a chance to put any implants in me." She waved her hand dismissively and said, "All that's in my Alliance file, though—not explicitly, but you could piece it together from my medical records, the psych evals, and the official report of the incident.

"What the Alliance doesn't know is that about six months after I enlisted, I tracked down the son-of-a-bitch who . . . raped me and killed my parents. Holder was one of my contacts at the time, and he told me that a batarian meeting the description I gave him had been picked up for something petty, I don't even remember what anymore. So I gave him four thousand credits to have the guy locked in the basement of an unused warehouse and lose his file. Holder is the only other person who has any idea what I did—he doesn't have any proof, I was too careful for that, but he knows. Anyway, when I got there, I chained the guy to a chair and shot him full of stims so he couldn't pass out."

Garrus thought he knew where this was headed, but he couldn't imagine the woman next to him in a situation like the one she was describing.

"I worked him over for eight hours. For two of those hours he begged me to kill him, offered up his family and friends just so I'd stop. When he finally died, he was unrecognizable. And so was I." She turned to Garrus then and her jaw was set, but her eyes were haunted by the past. "I found out that day just how much darkness I was capable of, and I wish now that I didn't know. But that's why I'm so good at my job—I can make the tough decisions because once I decided to torture a man with nothing but a knife and my bare hands, suddenly killing a bunch of mercs didn't seem so bad." She waited to see what his reaction would be, if he would flinch away from her, but he didn't. He stood before her and held her hands, real and solid and _there,_ just like he'd always been, and she knew that she could never express just how much that meant to her.

"I couldn't let you kill Sidonis," she continued, "because I couldn't bear to let that darkness anywhere near you." She reached out and touched his face, her eyes bright with unshed tears. "Not you."

"Shepard, I . . ." He couldn't find the words to describe what he was feeling right then, like his world had been blown apart and remade into something new. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her tight against him, and after a moment she hugged him back. "Thank you, Shepard." _For being here, for caring about me, for giving so much and never asking for anything in return, for making me want . . . _

_I want . . ._

_Oh, Spirits, I want her,_ he thought, and the revelation struck him like a hammer right between the eyes.

"So, are we okay?" she asked, tilting her head up to look at him. Had her eyes always been so green?

"We were never _not_ okay," he replied and she breathed a sigh of relief. He nuzzled her hair, then pulled back a little in confusion.

"What?"

"You smell like me."

"Huh?" It took her a minute to figure out what he was talking about. "Oh yeah, I had to use your soap this morning. Left mine in my bathroom."

The way their scents mingled together was heady and he inhaled deeply, and things may have progressed from there had Shepard's omnitool not beeped. She heaved a frustrated sigh and checked the incoming message; it was from EDI, asking her to return to the Normandy to confer with the engineers about some additional suggestions to improve the ship's performance.

"Damn," she hissed under her breath. "I've got to go down to the docks to go over the ship's specs. Want to come? I promise it'll be super boring."

"Much as I love being bored out of my skull, I think I'll pass on this one." He needed some time to think about this. Her face fell a bit, but she gave him a quick kiss on his unscarred mandible and left for the docking bay.

Garrus went back into his apartment and got a bottle of turian brandy from the cabinet. He poured himself a shot and sat on the couch, his elbows resting on his knees. This thing between him and Shepard was supposed to be casual, just a little good sex between friends. It wasn't as though he hadn't done similar things before with other women, but nothing romantic had come of them. When had he started to want more from Shepard, and why?

_Because after all this time, you've finally found an equal in her._

And there it was, in a nutshell. She was a warrior, strong and capable, at once ruthless and merciful as the situation called for. He looked forward to seeing her when she'd come into the battery to talk, and enjoyed their easy back-and-forth. She knew his mind and could read him better than anyone he knew. It was what made her a great leader and his closest friend.

And now he might be fucking it all up because, Spirits help him, he was starting to love her.


	4. Chapter 4

Talking with techies always made her brain feel like it had been turned into soup, and tonight was no different. It had taken a lot longer than she expected (about three hours longer) to go over suggested maintenance, throwing out some things due to lack of funds or necessity and approving others that would give them an edge against the Collectors. She'd had the foresight to message Tali and Joker to have them, along with EDI, assist her with any specific questions about lag or engine power that might come up. Finally, they had a plan of action that would not only fortify the ship, but it would knock a full day off the retrofit. She and Tali were headed the same direction—she had found a nice hotel room and was planning on spending it with another quarian on pilgrimage she'd run into at the bar. Shepard had been merciless in ribbing her with innuendos most of the night until Tali was giggling and stuttering almost constantly and Joker gave her the stink-eye and made her stop so he could eventually go get some sleep.

In the stairwell on the way back to the transit hub, Tali said, "So, you and Garrus are getting pretty serious, huh?"

Shepard was thrown for a loop and could only sputter a bit before saying, "What? Serious? No, we're—what?"

Tali laughed and poked her friend affectionately. "You sound like me now. Serves you right for teasing me, Shepard. I meant that you're wearing his scent now, so . . . that means you're officially together, right? It's about time, you two have always been so cute with each other."

"No, I forgot to bring my soap with me so I used his. Why, does that mean something in turian culture?"

"Wearing someone's scent usually means you're in a relationship with that person. It probably stems from some biological imperative to mark their territory or something; the krogan do something similar." She glanced over at Shepard, her eyes gleaming behind her mask. "So, you aren't with Garrus? He mentioned that you two were going to spend shore leave together."

"As friends, yeah." Something about the way she said that made Tali raise an eyebrow—at least, Shepard thought that was what she was doing. One eye opened a little wider than the other, anyway.

"You don't sound so sure."

"It's just . . ." She sighed and let her hands drop to her sides. "Okay, you know that turians are a lot more open about sex than humans tend to be, right?"

"And most other species, for that matter."

"Yeah, well, me and Garrus slept together. Twice."

"What?!" Tali exclaimed and Shepard shushed her. "You can't tell me something like that and not give me details, Shepard!"

"I'm not telling you what he's like in bed, Tali."

"Party pooper." Shepard laughed out loud at her usage of human slang, and she shook her head.

"Okay, but I swear to god if you tell anyone, I'll uninstall your nerve stim program."

"_You wouldn't._"

"You're right, I wouldn't. But seriously, don't tell anyone, okay?"

"Girl talk stays between girls, Shep. You can trust me. Now, dish." So Shepard told her how it went and Tali gave little sighs and "awww!" sounds at the appropriate times, and by the end of it, Tali was so excited at the prospect of two of her best friends getting together that she was bouncing on her toes.

"So, do you want more out of him than that?"

"I don't know, Tali. We've been friends for a long time; what if we just don't work as a couple? I don't want to lose what we already have."

"You'll never know unless you try." Tali stopped and faced her, touching her shoulder. "You humans have a saying—it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. You know what the stakes are, Shepard. There's no guarantee we'll make it back through the Omega-4 relay. This is your chance to do what you want . . . what feels right."

"I hope you're right."

"You know I am."

The two friends hugged then went their separate ways, and Shepard was left alone with her thoughts. Decidedly more optimistic thoughts than she'd been having, too.

When she finally made it back to the apartment, she knocked on the door and waited but no one answered. She tried again with the same result so, hoping Garrus wouldn't mind too much, she hacked the door open and stepped into the gloom. Thinking he must have gone to bed already, she flipped the light on and was surprised to see him passed out on the couch, a bottle of brandy in front of him. There wasn't a lot missing from it, though; it had been a long day, and he was probably just having a night cap before it caught up with him. She considered just letting him sleep it off on the couch, but he was leaning over the arm rest with his head on his arms. He'd tried to sleep in a similar position once in the Mako and it had played merry hell with his back for the rest of the day, so she crouched down next to him and rubbed his shoulders, shaking him gently.

"Hey. Hey, Garrus."

He snapped awake immediately and knocked her on her butt, sitting up straight with wide, darting eyes before he finally registered where he was. His features twisted into a grimace and he slouched forward, pressing his fingers into his temples.

"Ow."

"Headache?" she asked, picking herself up off the floor. _Never sneak up on a sleeping turian, you'd think I'd remember that._

"Yeah. Serves me right for drinking right before falling asleep."

"Come on, big guy, let's get you to bed." She helped him up and he plodded into the bedroom, then flopped face down on the mattress while she went to get some painkillers. Shepard had him sit up to take the pills and sat down on the edge of the bed next to him.

"Thanks," he said and lay back down. Shepard took his hand and started working her thumbs into his palm. It was something her mom used to do when she got migraines, and evidently it worked on turians, too—some of the tightness in his face had eased.

"You still smell like my soap," he said, already half-asleep again.

"Sorry, I'll get my own tomorrow."

"You don't have to. I like it."

Shepard went still. "You mean that?"

"Mmmhmm. You can wear me around all you want." His hand closed on hers, then he brought it up to his face and inhaled, brushing his mouth across her wrist and making her heart beat like a runaway train. He lowered it to his chest and his breathing slowed, the last lines of tension melting from his face in sleep.

Shepard's omnitool pinged again and, once she'd ascertained the sound hadn't woken Garrus, she saw that there was a new message from Mordin.

_JS,_

_Believe I have the information you asked for. Took the liberty of contacting S.B. for conference. Can you meet at the Presidium Commons at 11:30 hrs?_

_MS_

She stared at the message in awe. Could he really have it already?

_MS,_

_That sounds fine. See you then. By the way, you're a genius._

_JS_

She gently extricated her hand from Garrus' loose grip and as she headed into the bathroom, she got a reply.

_JS,_

_I know. ;)_

_MS_

She couldn't help but chuckle as she stepped into the shower. She used Garrus' soap again, too-as long as he didn't mind, she could at least pretend they were together.

* * *

The next day Garrus woke up later than usual, whether from drink or the painkillers he didn't know, and Shepard was already gone. She'd left him a message saying she was going out to run some errands and not to expect her back until later, and it was littered with those emoticons she was so fond of using.

There were some new sniper rifle mods for his Viper that he wanted, so he went to the shops on the Presidium to see if Elkoss Arsenal had any in stock. Across the Commons he saw Shepard, Liara, and Mordin with their heads together over a collection of datapads at a table on the balcony. As Garrus approached, Mordin stood up to leave and gave him a distracted greeting as he passed. Shepard was surprised to see him and Liara began surreptitiously clearing away the datapads.

"Liara, nice to see you away from Hagalaz," he said. "I'm not interrupting, am I?"

"Of course not, Garrus. It's good to see you as always. I was—that is to say, we—"

"—were just catching up a bit, and Mordin wanted to talk about some ideas he had about the Collectors," Shepard said innocently, which immediately made him suspicious. Shepard didn't do innocent, but if she didn't want to talk about it that was fine with him.

"I'll see you later, Shepard. Garrus." Liara stood and took a large case from under her seat and left.

"Sorry for ditching you," Shepard said.

"No problem. I'm glad I caught you, though. I . . . wanted to talk to you about something." He took the seat Liara had just vacated, his mouth suddenly too dry.

"Okay, shoot."

"About us."

She had to quash a sudden jolt of anxiety that coursed through her at those words. "Oh?"

"Well . . . um . . ." He rubbed the back of his neck and tried to think of where to begin. "Before all this started, I never really thought about an inter-species relationship before . . . and damn, saying it like that doesn't make it sound any better." He knew he was rambling, but he couldn't seem to help himself. The expectant look Shepard was giving him wasn't helping, either. "I know that we started sleeping together to blow off steam, but I—" Why was it suddenly so hard to talk to her? She reached out and laced her fingers with his and that small touch reassured him. "I want more. I . . . care for you, maybe more than I should. I want something real that's just for us, before we throw ourselves into hell for the good of the galaxy."

Shepard leaned forward until their foreheads met and he closed his eyes, stroking her cheek. "I want that too, Garrus. You know, I'm glad you were the one to say something. I probably would have been all beet-red and fidgety."

"Now I kinda wish I had waited. It would have been worth it to see Commander Shepard, all-around interstellar badass, tripping over herself." She gave him a look that was supposed to be indignant but she was too happy to manage it.

"We need to go pack," she said regretfully. "I was just about to send out the all-hands alert when you showed up."

They stood and started toward the transit hub, and he fell into step beside her. They were nearly there when he said, "Hang on a second, I want to do something first." He led her into a relatively secluded corner, pulled her against him, and bent down to kiss her.

It was very obvious he was inexperienced but, after a little hands-on instruction, he proved to be a quick study. His mouth was surprisingly pliant and his tongue more than made up for his lack of lips (at least, lips as Shepard knew them). And she was having a lot of fun getting to know his—the way he tasted, his hands warm and heavy on her back, the way he moaned into her mouth when she stroked his fringe. With one last lingering press of lips to plates they parted, and Shepard's head was spinning.

"I think I can see the appeal now," he said huskily, his sub-vocals a deep basso profundo rumble that vibrated through her body.

"You've never done that before?"

He shook his head. "Watched some vids, though. How'd I do?"

"Hmmm, I think we'll have to practice a lot more. You know, to perfect your technique." She tilted her face up to his and lightly brushed her lips against his mandible. "Is there anything turians do that you'd like me to try?"

"If I think of something, I'll let you know." He slipped his arm around her waist and they proceeded to his apartment for the last time. They took their time retrieving their things, drawing out these few minutes before returning to the ship and the weight of the mission closed around them once more.

* * *

_Two days later:_

All the upgrades had been installed, the team was a well-oiled machine, and Garrus only had one more scan of the weapons systems to perform before the ship would be ready. Shepard had gone on to her cabin, and every time he thought about her it did wonderful things to his insides. He was realistic about their odds, but the fact that he had something to look forward to afterward was making him downright impatient to be off to kick the living shit out of the Collectors.

He'd considered calling Solana or his father before the jump, but he was torn. On the one hand, it would be nice to talk to them one last time if something went wrong; on the other, maybe it was better not to say anything at all. Things had been strained between them lately and he really wasn't in the mood for another lecture from his father, especially now.

He brought up his omnitool twice before reconsidering and stowing it again. The third time, he noticed the message icon blinking; it was from Helos Medical Institute. His heart dropped through the floor as he brought it up, fearing the worst.

Then he read the message again, and it didn't make any more sense the second time. Who could have done this? There wasn't anyone outside his family who knew about his mother—only someone with access to his own personal messages would have any—

Oh.

Someone like the Shadow Broker.

_Oh._

He caught himself against the console just before his knees gave out from under him and he pushed his knuckles against his mouth to muffle the sounds he was making as he read the message a third time.

_Oh, Shepard._


	5. Chapter 5

He made his way toward the elevator on shaky legs, and he barely registered the eerily quiet halls as he punched in the code that would take him up to her cabin. The doors hissed open and he heard music coming from the bathroom, then Shepard singing. She managed to stay on-key most of the time, but her enthusiasm made up for any lack of ability.

"_There's a fire in the courtyard, blazing 'cross the sky, bullets flying over, sound the battle cry . . . "_

He paced around a bit, waiting for her to finish, and when she cut the music off he called through the door, "Hey, Shepard."

"Oh, hey! I was just getting myself psyched up forohmygod what happened?" She'd just opened the door, a hairbrush-mic in her hand, and saw the expression on his face. He looked shell-shocked, like he had no idea what to do.

"I just got a message from the hospital where my mother's been staying. They said that they wanted to thank me for my generous donation and for the sample of Collector tissue." He paused to gauge her reaction, but she kept her face blank. That right there went a long way toward confirming his suspicions. "They also wanted to thank Doctor Solus for calling the STG, and for the several dozen pages of research he sent. They're 'cautiously optimistic' about her—their words—for the first time in a very long time. I think they assumed the credit transfer was from me, since it wasn't from Solana or my father and no one else was supposed to know about this."

"I, uh, tried to keep it anonymous," she said, and he had to choke down the lump that was building up in his throat. Shepard touched his arm but he didn't react, and she started to wonder if he was upset about breaching his privacy. "I swear, I didn't go digging through your files. Liara came across the information and forwarded it to me, and I asked Mordin if he could call in his contacts and maybe work on it in his spare time—you know, instead of inventing new bio-weapons and all the other crazy shit he usually does. I didn't want to tell you because you never mentioned it, so I thought maybe you were—" She was abruptly cut off when Garrus wrapped his arms around her and squeezed her tight.

"I . . . I can't begin to thank you for this, Shepard." He pulled away so he could see her face. "Why did it take me so long to find you?" he whispered.

"I've been right here the whole time," she said confusedly, thinking he was talking about her location on the ship for a moment before he tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear and gently touched his cheek to hers.

"You really have, haven't you?" He made a trilling purr that she'd never heard from him before and his arms went around her waist as he turned his head to catch her lower lip and run his tongue across it. Her breath hitched and she kissed him hard, trying to fit as much of her body against his as she could.

There was something different about this, and she didn't know what it was—they'd been intimate before, but now her stomach was full of butterflies and she was unsure of what to do next. When she broke the kiss to tell him so, she saw the same uncertainty on his face.

"Garrus, I—" she began hesitantly, "—I don't want to fuck this up."

"I know what you mean," he said, threading his fingers into her hair while his other hand stroked her lower back. "It seems like both of us are always getting the short end of the stick and that so much has gone wrong in the past—my work with C-Sec, what happened with Sidonis. I want something to go right . . . just once. Just—" She stopped him with a hand to his cheek and smiled up at him, her mind made up.

"We've made a career out of doing the impossible. I think we can manage this." Her arms went around his neck and she grinned. "So I guess this makes you my _boyfriend._"

He grimaced and rolled his eyes. "That word sounds so adolescent for some reason."

"You like it."

"Yeah," he said, nuzzling her neck, "I do."

"Softie."

"Tease."

"Closet romantic."

"Crazy human . . . but I wouldn't have you any other way."

"Silly turian." She started to back toward the bed and pulled him with her. "Ditto."

This time when they came together it was like they were doing it all for the first time and every touch held a new meaning. It was less about the act itself, more about seeking out that missing part of themselves and finding it in the other. Afterwards, they lay together, hoping that time would slow for just a little while before reality came crashing back in the form of Joker's voice on the intercom. For now, though, they were content with the knowledge that this would be the moment they remembered, when they told the tale later, as the place where their love story truly began.

* * *

_AN-I said this on the kmeme, too, but I'll post this here as well: I was trying reeeeally hard to write the ending love scene, but it just wasn't working. It seemed too forced, and in the end I thought that it would . . . I dunno . . . cheapen the ending somehow. Sorry if there are any disappointed readers out there, but this seemed like the best way to finish this story. _

_Thank you to everyone who stuck with this and read the whole thing, I hope you liked it! I certainly had fun writing it._


End file.
